Part 7 of an 8-Part Series on Understanding and Supporting Children with Anxiety

If you’re joining the series here, you may find it helpful to read the earlier articles:

• Part 1: Childhood Anxiety 101: What Every Parent Needs to Know
• Part 2: The Hidden Signs of Childhood Anxiety: What Parents Often Miss
• Part 3: When School Feels Too Hard: Understanding Anxiety Behind School Struggles
• Part 4: How to Talk to Your Child About Anxiety (Without Making It Worse)
• Part 5: Coping Skills That Actually Help Anxious Kids in Everyday Life
• Part 6: When Reassurance Backfires: How to Support Your Child Without Feeding Anxiety

“They Just Can’t Focus.”

Your child has been sitting at the kitchen table for twenty minutes.

The homework is open, but they’ve written almost nothing.

They sharpen a pencil. Get a drink. Look out the window. Ask what time dinner is. Suddenly remember something they need to tell you.

You say:

“Can you please just focus?”

Your child sighs.

“I’m trying.”

Maybe you’ve wondered whether this is an attention problem.

Maybe you’ve wondered whether it’s anxiety.

Maybe a teacher has mentioned ADHD, while you mostly see a child who worries constantly.

The confusing answer is that behaviors such as distractibility, procrastination, restlessness, and forgetfulness can have more than one explanation.

Anxiety can sometimes look like an attention problem. Attention difficulties can also create situations that make a child anxious. And some children experience both.

That is why observing patterns is usually more helpful than trying to attach a label to one behavior.

Why This Matters

In earlier parts of this series, we’ve seen that anxiety doesn’t always look like fear.

It can look like irritability.

Avoidance.

Perfectionism.

A stomachache.

A homework meltdown.

The same is true when we think about attention.

A child who appears distracted may indeed have difficulty sustaining attention. But they might also be preoccupied by worries:

“What if I get this wrong?”

“What if the teacher calls on me tomorrow?”

“What if everyone finishes before I do?”

From the outside, both children may appear to be staring out the window instead of working.

What’s happening inside may be quite different.

At the same time, children who genuinely struggle with attention, organization, or impulse control may experience repeated stress around forgotten assignments, unfinished work, missed instructions, or social misunderstandings. Over time, those experiences can create anxiety of their own.

This overlap is one reason diagnosis should be left to qualified professionals rather than based on a checklist at home.

For parents, a more useful task is to become a careful observer.

What Parents Should Know

Anxiety Can Take Up Attention

Imagine trying to read a book while someone keeps whispering questions in your ear.

That’s a little like what anxious thinking can do.

A child may technically be sitting in class, but much of their attention is focused on an internal stream of worries:

“Did I give the wrong answer earlier?”

“Who am I going to sit with at lunch?”

“My stomach hurts. What if I throw up?”

“I didn’t study enough.”

There may simply be less mental space available for the teacher’s instructions.

So the child misses information.

Then they seem confused.

They may forget what they were supposed to do.

From the outside, this can look like inattention.

Avoidance Can Look Like Distractibility

Consider a child who needs to start a writing assignment.

They sharpen their pencil.

Then reorganize their desk.

Then ask for a snack.

Then decide they need a different notebook.

It may look like they can’t stay on task.

But sometimes the real problem begins with a thought such as:

“I don’t know how to write this.”

or:

“It won’t be good enough.”

The child’s attention shifts away from the task because avoiding it temporarily reduces anxiety.

This is especially common when perfectionism is involved.

Anxiety Can Make Children Restless

We often associate restlessness with attention problems, but anxiety can also activate the body’s stress response.

A worried child may:

• Fidget
• Tap their feet
• Get out of their seat
• Pace
• Talk excessively
• Have difficulty settling down

The movement may be their body’s response to feeling keyed up or uncomfortable.

Again, the behavior alone doesn’t tell us the cause.

Attention Challenges Can Also Create Anxiety

The relationship can go in the other direction too.

Imagine regularly:

• Forgetting your homework
• Losing important things
• Missing instructions
• Running out of time
• Getting corrected for interrupting
• Realizing everyone else has started an assignment and you’re not sure what you’re supposed to do

Those experiences can become stressful.

A child may start thinking:

“I’m always messing things up.”

“The teacher is going to be mad at me.”

“What if I forget again?”

“Everyone else can do this. Why can’t I?”

Over time, worries about school performance, relationships, or disappointing adults may develop alongside the original attention difficulties.

This is one reason it’s not always useful to think in terms of “anxiety or ADHD?”

For some children, the more accurate question may eventually be:

“What combination of factors is making things difficult for this child?”

That’s a question best answered through a thoughtful professional evaluation.

What the Overlap Can Look Like

Distractibility

A child with anxiety might lose focus because they’re caught up in worried thoughts.

A child with an attention difficulty may struggle to sustain focus even when they aren’t particularly worried.

But real life is rarely that neat.

The important thing for parents is to notice when and where the difficulty occurs.

Forgetfulness

An overwhelmed child may forget instructions because anxiety prevented them from fully taking in the information.

A child with attention or organizational difficulties may frequently forget belongings, instructions, or tasks across many kinds of situations.

Rather than drawing conclusions from one forgotten homework assignment, look for patterns over time.

Procrastination

Procrastination can have several possible explanations.

An anxious child might delay because:

“I’m afraid I’ll get it wrong.”

A child with attention or executive-function difficulties might struggle with:

“I don’t know where to start.”

Sometimes both are true.

Restlessness

Restlessness may appear when a child is:

• Anxious
• Excited
• Bored
• Tired
• Having difficulty regulating attention or impulses

Context matters.

Emotional Reactions

Both anxiety and attention difficulties can contribute to emotional overwhelm.

A child might become upset when homework takes longer than expected, when plans suddenly change, or when they receive criticism.

Instead of immediately asking, “Which condition is causing this?” it can be more helpful to ask:

“What happened before the reaction, and what seemed difficult for my child in that moment?”

Look for Patterns, Not Single Behaviors

Parents don’t need to diagnose the cause of every behavior.

But you can collect useful information.

Consider four questions.

1. When Does It Happen?

Does your child struggle mostly:

• Before tests?
• During difficult homework?
• In social situations?
• When tasks are boring or repetitive?
• During transitions?
• Throughout most of the day?

The pattern can provide important clues.

2. Where Does It Happen?

What do you see:

• At home?
• At school?
• During sports?
• With friends?
• During preferred activities as well as difficult ones?

A child may behave differently in different settings, so information from both home and school is valuable.

3. What Seems to Trigger It?

Notice what happens immediately before the difficulty.

Was there:

• A challenging assignment?
• A mistake?
• A change in routine?
• A social interaction?
• A long period requiring concentration?
• Poor sleep the night before?

You don’t need to interpret everything.

Just observe.

4. What Helps?

Perhaps your child focuses better when:

• Instructions are broken into smaller steps.
• The task feels predictable.
• They work somewhere quiet.
• Someone reassures them.
• They take movement breaks.
• They know mistakes are acceptable.

What helps doesn’t provide a diagnosis, but it gives professionals useful information about how your child functions.

A Simple Observation Log

If you’re concerned, consider keeping notes for a couple of weeks.

You don’t need a complicated spreadsheet.

Write down:

Situation:
Math homework

What I noticed:
Walked away repeatedly, said “I can’t do this,” became tearful.

What happened beforehand:
Saw that the worksheet had 30 questions.

What seemed to help:
Covered most of the page and worked five questions at a time.

Another entry might look very different:

Situation:
Getting ready for soccer

What I noticed:
Couldn’t find shoes, forgot water bottle, became distracted while getting dressed.

What happened beforehand:
Nothing obviously stressful.

What seemed to help:
Checklist by the door.

After several weeks, patterns may become clearer.

These observations can also be much more useful to a pediatrician, psychologist, or teacher than saying simply:

“My child can’t focus.”

What Parents Can Do

Describe What You See Without Labeling It

Instead of:

“You’re so distracted.”

Try:

“I noticed you’ve gotten up from your homework three times. What’s making it hard to stay with it?”

Instead of:

“You’re procrastinating again.”

Try:

“It looks like starting this assignment feels difficult. What part feels hardest?”

This encourages curiosity rather than shame.

Break Tasks Into Smaller Pieces

Whether anxiety, attention difficulties, or both are contributing, large tasks can feel overwhelming.

Instead of:

“Finish your homework.”

Try:

“Let’s start with the first three questions.”

A smaller starting point can reduce overwhelm and make it easier to begin.

Use External Supports

Children don’t have to hold everything in their heads.

Helpful tools may include:

• Visual schedules
• Checklists
• Timers
• Consistent routines
• A designated place for important belongings
• Written homework steps

These supports aren’t “cheating.”

They’re tools for building independence.

Talk With the School

Teachers see your child in situations you don’t.

Ask specific questions:

• “When do you notice the most difficulty concentrating?”
• “Does this happen in every subject?”
• “What happens during independent work?”
• “Do you notice signs of worry?”
• “Are there situations where their attention is noticeably better?”

Comparing observations from home and school can reveal patterns that aren’t obvious in either setting alone.

What to Avoid

Avoid Trying to Diagnose From a Checklist

Online symptom lists can help you understand general concepts.

They cannot tell you why your particular child is struggling.

Anxiety, ADHD, sleep difficulties, learning differences, stress, mood problems, and other factors can sometimes produce overlapping behaviors.

A proper evaluation considers the larger picture.

Avoid Assuming It’s a Motivation Problem

“You’re not trying.”

“You don’t care.”

“You just need to focus.”

These phrases can be especially painful for a child who feels they are trying.

A more useful question is:

“What’s getting in the way?”

Avoid Comparing Your Child With Others

“Your brother never forgets his homework.”

“Everyone else finished already.”

Comparison may increase shame without teaching a skill.

Focus instead on the specific challenge and what might help.

Try This This Week

1. Pick One Behavior to Observe

Choose something specific, such as homework procrastination or morning forgetfulness.

Avoid trying to track everything.

2. Write Down the Context

For one week, notice when the behavior occurs, what happened beforehand, and what helped.

3. Ask Your Child One Curious Question

Try:

“What feels hardest about getting started?”

Listen before offering a solution.

4. Compare Home and School

Ask your child’s teacher whether they notice a similar pattern.

5. Add One Practical Support

Try a checklist, visual schedule, smaller task steps, or another simple organizational tool.

Then observe whether it makes a difference.

When to Seek Professional Assessment

Consider discussing your concerns with your child’s pediatrician or another qualified professional if attention, anxiety, or related behaviors are persistently interfering with:

• Learning
• School participation
• Friendships
• Family life
• Daily routines
• Sleep
• Your child’s confidence or well-being

Evaluation is particularly helpful when you’re seeing difficulties across multiple settings or when it isn’t clear what is driving the behavior.

A thoughtful assessment doesn’t simply ask whether a child “has ADHD” or “has anxiety.”

It looks at the whole child: development, behavior, emotions, learning, sleep, health, school functioning, and what different adults are observing.

Parents, teachers, and healthcare professionals may each hold a different piece of the puzzle.

Putting those pieces together can help identify what kind of support will actually be useful.

Looking Ahead

Throughout this series, we’ve moved from understanding what anxiety is to recognizing its less obvious signs, supporting children at school, talking about worries, building coping skills, and helping without unintentionally strengthening avoidance.

But parents often face one final question:

How do I know when my child needs more help than I can provide at home?

There isn’t one symptom or one difficult week that gives every family the answer.

In Part 8, we’ll talk about when anxiety may warrant professional support, what signs to watch for, who parents can turn to, and what getting help can actually look like.

Further Reading / Sources

• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: overview of symptoms, evaluation, and conditions that can produce similar difficulties
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): ADHD in Children and Diagnosing ADHD: parent-friendly information about symptoms and the evaluation process
• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP): Clinical Practice Guideline for the Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Treatment of ADHD in Children and Adolescents
• American Academy of Pediatrics, Pediatrics: Research on anxiety occurring alongside ADHD in children
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Resources on childhood anxiety and mental health