Part 5 of an 8-Part Series on Understanding and Supporting Children with Anxiety

If you’re joining the series here, you may find it helpful to read the earlier articles:

• Part 1: Childhood Anxiety 101: What Every Parent Needs to Know
• Part 2: The Hidden Signs of Childhood Anxiety: What Parents Often Miss
• Part 3: When School Feels Too Hard: Understanding Anxiety Behind School Struggles
• Part 4: How to Talk to Your Child About Anxiety (Without Making It Worse)

“Can You Just Make the Worry Go Away?”

As parents, there’s one question we wish we could answer with a simple “yes.”

When our child is anxious, we naturally want to make the feeling disappear. We reassure them. We offer advice. We solve problems. Sometimes we even rearrange our own lives to help them avoid situations that seem overwhelming.

These responses come from love.

But over time, we’ve learned something important about anxiety: children don’t need a life without worry; they need confidence that they can handle worry when it shows up.

That confidence isn’t built during one big conversation or one difficult moment.

It’s built through many small experiences, repeated over time.

Just as children learn to ride a bike through practice rather than explanation, they learn to manage anxiety by practicing skills in everyday life—not only when they’re overwhelmed.

This article introduces several practical, evidence-informed coping skills that parents can begin using with their children. None of them will make anxiety disappear overnight. Instead, they help children gradually develop something even more valuable: resilience.

Why This Matters

In the previous article, we explored how conversations can either support or unintentionally reinforce anxiety.

Talking is important.

But talking alone isn’t enough.

Children learn emotional skills the same way they learn most other skills: through repeated practice.

Research in child psychology consistently shows that effective coping is less about eliminating anxious thoughts and more about helping children respond to those thoughts in healthier ways. Many evidence-based treatments for childhood anxiety focus on building coping skills gradually, allowing children to discover that they can tolerate uncomfortable feelings and continue moving toward what matters.

Think of these coping strategies as tools in a toolbox.

No single tool works for every situation.

The goal is to help your child build a collection of strategies they can draw on throughout life.

What Parents Should Know

Coping Doesn’t Mean Making Anxiety Disappear

One of the biggest misconceptions about coping is that if a strategy “works,” anxiety should immediately go away.

That’s not necessarily true.

Sometimes a coping skill helps a child feel calmer.

Sometimes it simply helps them continue doing something important even while feeling anxious.

Both are successes.

Imagine your child is nervous about giving a class presentation.

If they use a breathing exercise and still feel butterflies, but they stand up and give the presentation anyway, that is coping.

The goal isn’t to eliminate every anxious feeling.

The goal is to help children realize:

“I can feel anxious and still do hard things.”

That belief becomes the foundation for confidence.

Everyday Coping Skills That Build Confidence

1. Help Children Name Their Feelings

Children often say:

“My stomach hurts.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“I hate school.”

These may be the only words they have for a much more complicated emotional experience.

Helping children develop emotional vocabulary can make anxiety feel less confusing.

You might gently wonder:

• “I wonder if you’re feeling nervous.”
• “It seems like you’re worried about tomorrow.”
• “Could this be one of those anxious feelings we’ve talked about?”

There’s no need to force a label. The goal is simply to help children notice and describe what they’re experiencing.

Some families find it helpful to use a feelings chart, emotion cards, or a simple “feelings check-in” during dinner or bedtime.

Research suggests that naming emotions can reduce emotional intensity and improve a child’s ability to regulate those emotions over time.

2. Practice Calm Breathing Before It’s Needed

Breathing exercises are often introduced during moments of panic.

The problem?

When children are highly distressed, it’s difficult to learn a brand-new skill.

Instead, practice calm breathing during ordinary moments.

For example:

• Before bedtime
• During story time
• While waiting at a traffic light
• After school
• Before sports practice

One simple technique is “smell the flower, blow out the candle.”

Ask your child to imagine slowly smelling a flower through their nose, then gently blowing out a candle through their mouth.

For older children, you might try box breathing:

• Breathe in for four counts.
• Hold for four.
• Breathe out for four.
• Pause for four.

Repeat several times.

Explain that breathing won’t magically erase anxiety—but it can help the body settle enough for the brain to think more clearly.

3. Grounding: Helping Children Return to the Present

Anxiety often pulls children into “what if” thinking.

Grounding helps gently bring attention back to the present moment.

One simple exercise is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique.

Invite your child to notice:

• Five things they can see
• Four things they can feel
• Three things they can hear
• Two things they can smell
• One thing they can taste

For younger children, you might simplify this by playing a “noticing game.”

“What are three blue things you can find?”

Grounding doesn’t eliminate anxiety.

It helps interrupt the cycle of anxious thoughts by reconnecting children with what is happening right now.

4. Teach Simple Problem-Solving

Sometimes anxiety grows because every worry feels like an unsolvable problem.

Parents can help children break challenges into smaller steps.

Try asking:

• What exactly are you worried about?
• What’s the hardest part?
• What are some possible ways to handle it?
• Which one seems most helpful?
• What’s one small step you could take today?

Notice that you aren’t solving the problem for your child.

You’re teaching them how to solve problems.

Over time, this builds confidence in their own ability to cope.

5. Help Children Build Tolerance for Uncertainty

One of the hardest parts of anxiety is uncertainty.

Children often ask questions like:

• “What if I fail?”
• “What if nobody talks to me?”
• “What if something bad happens?”

Parents naturally want to provide certainty.

But life rarely offers complete certainty.

Instead of trying to eliminate uncertainty, help your child practice living with it.

You might say:

• “We don’t know exactly what will happen.”
• “There are lots of possible outcomes.”
• “Let’s focus on what you can control.”
• “You can handle not knowing everything.”

Learning to tolerate uncertainty is one of the most important long-term skills for managing anxiety.

6. Encourage Brave Behaviors

Confidence doesn’t usually come first.

Action does.

Children become brave by practicing brave behaviors.

This doesn’t mean forcing children into overwhelming situations.

Instead, think about small, manageable challenges.

Examples include:

• Ordering their own meal at a restaurant.
• Asking a teacher one question.
• Sleeping with the bedroom door slightly more closed.
• Attending half of a birthday party before staying longer the next time.
• Raising their hand once during class.

Each success teaches the brain:

“Maybe I can do hard things after all.”

Research consistently supports gradual exposure to manageable fears as one of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety over time.

The key word is gradual.

Common Parent Misunderstandings

“If They’re Still Nervous, The Coping Skill Didn’t Work.”

Not necessarily.

Success isn’t measured by whether anxiety disappears.

It’s measured by whether your child becomes better able to manage anxiety while continuing to engage in life.

“My Child Needs the Perfect Coping Strategy.”

There isn’t one.

Some children prefer movement.

Others prefer breathing.

Others benefit from talking, drawing, music, or quiet time.

Encourage curiosity and experimentation.

“We Should Only Practice When They’re Anxious.”

Imagine practicing piano only on the day of the recital.

Skills become reliable through repetition during calm moments.

The same is true for coping skills.

What Helps

Make Coping Part of Everyday Family Life

Normalize emotional skills by practicing together.

For example:

• Take three slow breaths before dinner.
• Share one challenge and one success each evening.
• Talk about how different family members cope with stress.
• Celebrate effort, not just outcomes.

Children learn as much from watching adults as from listening to them.

Praise Courage More Than Calmness

It’s easy to say:

“I’m so proud you weren’t nervous.”

But a more helpful message might be:

“I’m proud of how you kept going even though you were nervous.”

This reinforces that bravery isn’t the absence of fear.

It’s taking meaningful action despite fear.

Expect Progress to Be Uneven

Some days your child will seem more confident.

Other days, anxiety may return unexpectedly.

This doesn’t mean they’re back at the beginning.

Learning any new skill involves ups and downs.

Try to look for overall progress rather than perfect consistency.

What to Avoid

Avoid Using Coping Skills as an Escape

Breathing, grounding, or relaxation should help children face challenges, not avoid them.

For example, if your child uses deep breathing before giving a presentation, the breathing is supporting bravery.

If breathing becomes a reason to leave the classroom indefinitely, it may unintentionally become another form of avoidance.

The goal is always to help children return to the situation when they’re ready.

Avoid Solving Every Problem Yourself

It’s difficult to watch children struggle.

But every problem you solve for your child is one less opportunity for them to discover what they can do themselves.

Offer guidance.

Offer encouragement.

But whenever possible, let your child practice taking the next step.

Avoid Expecting Immediate Results

Emotional skills develop gradually.

Think in terms of weeks and months rather than days.

Small improvements often add up to meaningful change over time.

Try This Week

Choose one or two ideas to practice together.

1. Have a Daily Feelings Check-In

Ask everyone in the family to name one feeling they experienced that day.

Model this yourself.

2. Practice Calm Breathing During a Calm Moment

Spend two minutes practicing together before bedtime or after dinner.

3. Solve One Small Problem Together

Instead of immediately giving advice, ask:

“What ideas do you have?”

4. Celebrate One Brave Moment

Notice when your child does something difficult even if they still felt anxious.

Praise the courage it took.

5. Practice Living With One Small Uncertainty

The next time your child asks a reassurance-seeking question, gently acknowledge the uncertainty and remind them of their ability to cope.

When to Seek Extra Support

If your child continues to experience significant anxiety despite practicing coping skills, or if anxiety is interfering with school, friendships, sleep, or family life, consider speaking with your child’s pediatrician or a qualified mental health professional.

Professional support can provide individualized strategies and help children build coping skills in a structured, evidence-based way.

Remember, needing extra support doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.

It means you’re expanding your child’s team.

Looking Ahead

As children develop coping skills, many parents notice a new challenge.

The more anxious a child feels, the more they seek reassurance from the people they trust most.

It’s an understandable instinct but sometimes our efforts to comfort can accidentally keep anxiety going.

In Part 6, we’ll explore one of the most misunderstood topics in childhood anxiety: how reassurance helps, when it backfires, and how parents can support their children without unintentionally feeding the fear.

Further Reading / Sources

• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP): Guidance on children’s emotional development and anxiety
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Anxiety disorders in children and adolescents
• American Psychological Association (APA): Emotional regulation and coping in children
• Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA): Coping strategies for childhood anxiety
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): Children’s mental health resources